In this two-part video, Live Forward’s Trent Brown visits with Oklahoma attorney, Gary Quinnett. The two point out some of the red flags to watch out for if you are worried you might be in a toxic relationship.
What is a Toxic Relationship?
A toxic relationship is one in which unfavorable and/or unhealthy conditions arise and go unchecked to the detriment of those involved, often without them realizing it’s happening.
Here are some red flags to watch out for if you are worried you might be in a toxic relationship.
Red Flag: Faithfulness
What does exclusive mean to you? Are you on the same page? Are they faithful? Are you?
Faithfulness has meaning in all relationships, regardless of the terms. Whatever the terms are of your relationship, it’s important to make sure you are on the same page — and not cheating on those terms. Those that cheat in relationships tend to cheat on everything – their taxes, in business partnerships and contracts, and lesser important things like golf. From casual dating to making your wedding vows, faithfulness is an issue that deserves your attention and respect.
Red Flag: Destructive Secrets
There are many destructive secrets that can be signs you are in a toxic relationship. Is your partner hiding his drinking? Is she gambling more money than she says she is? Is someone doing drugs (or too many drugs)? Too much porn? These are all examples of destructive secrets that could be signs of a toxic relationship.
Red Flag: Public Behavior
Is your partner willing to humiliate you in public?
One major red flag of a toxic relationship are situations involving a couples where one partner has a habitual willingness to humiliate the other in public. Does she scold you in front of your friends? Make fun of you when you’re around coworkers? Yell at you at the grocery store?
Red Flag: Jealousy
We all have jealous tendencies. Are you exhibiting them?
There is a fine line between having jealous tendencies and exhibiting them. Appearing jealous too often can be a sign your relationship is toxic. The circumstances that foster the jealousy, or simply your natural reactions, can be indicators this relationship isn’t for you, and is maybe even destructive.
Red Flag: Fighting
How often are you fighting? How are you fighting?
Fighting can be good, given the circumstances — how often are you fighting, what about, is it physical? If you are hitting each other, it’s likely a toxic relationship. If you are bickering day and night for a couple of weeks, it might just be something the two of you need to work through, or it could be a symptom of toxicity in the relationship.
Red Flag: Unexplained Absences
This is probably another example of a destructive secret, but unexplained absences can be their own red flag for a toxic relationship.
Of course, not knowing where your loved one is for a couple of hours can be no big deal at all. Maybe she is working late? Maybe he is having a good time with friends? Think to yourself: how often do I have to deal with unexplained absences, and what are the circumstances? Is there a pattern?
Red Flag: Different Expectations
What are your expectations?
How do you view the world? What do you expect out of others, your friends, your family, your boss, your lover, yourself? When your expectations for these things repeatedly fail to align, you may be in a toxic relationship.
Red Flag: Fails to Show You Off
Have you met the parents? Her boss?
At some point, your partner should be bursting to introduce you to friends and family. You should feel the same about your partner. If either of you fails to show the other off, you could be in a toxic relationship.
Thanks for checking out How to Recognize Toxic Relationships – Part 1, with Trent Brown and Guest, Oklahoma City attorney, Gary Quinnett. Up next week: How to Recognize Toxic Relationships – Part 2!